I guess having two kids who are bright and articulate and have great humor and are decent.
Bea Arthur

Yesterday, the kids were out of school for President’s Day. We had a fun day, chores in the morning, then we went rollerblading and bike riding. Later we went to Target. (Yup, fun day!) Anyway. On the way home I stopped to get them both a frozen drink - because they were so good…heee. After we rode around with the radio cranking. They love to listen loud and open the windows and look cool. Yes, it was warm - 70ish.

We were cranking to Trace sing about country music. It was very loud. (Hush, we like country)

This morning, when we went to go to school, the radio was VERY LOUD… surely didn’t seem that loud yesterday! We were joking that it was daddy who must have turned it up that loud. Then I said, oh, no, wait….

It was us, we were jamming to the country radio (This is where I broke out into a very long rendition of his songs about me.)

“Because it’s songs about me
and who I am
songs about loving and living
and good hearted women
and family and God
yeah they’re all just
songs about me
songs about me”

My daugher, sitting next to me was a mix of horror and humor. You know how teenage girls are. Embarassment about everything.

But, the boy, Brother, my son.

He said, “Mommy, I liked your song.”

I said, “You did? You are so sweet. See Sister, Brother liked my singing.”

From the back seat he says, “Yeah, it was just kinda freaky that’s all.”

An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind.
Buddha

Last night I went to a meeting at church. I am going to get involved with a recovery program for hurts, habits and hangups. The LORD had been so gracious in my life and I really feel His leading to get involved in this area. Last night, my heart broke as I saw these young women so messed up and hurting. It was made worse by the fact that their mindset was that this program was a quick fix for their problems. *Sadness*. The ladies could not even make eye contact with you they were that beaten down by life. It was slightly amusing in a sad sort of way, that they were talking about how great their life was and how great it is getting and rambling on and on and on and their mannerisms, their lack of eye contact, and their words were screaming otherwise, you could tell the light had not come on. Becoming healthy is such a LONG HARD ROAD. Four and five months is not going to “change” your life around….PERIOD.

This program is based on the same principles of a twelve step program, but with God as the head, (as opposed to a higher power.) One girl was doing both this program and AA. She was voicing that she was quiting AA after four months because of step four. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. She felt it was unneccessary and was not willing to go back and relive the past. To bring it up, hash it out, digest it. Um… hello…you cannot change what you will not acknowledge.

On a different side, I think this program is going to be good for me because I suck at listening and in this program all you can do is listen. I, by nature, am a fixer and in this program you cannot fix. You can only listen. Every fiber of me was screaming and all I could do is listen. I SO suck at listening. But, I listened and I was able to reflect where I’ve been and just how far I have come. I’ve done that moral inventory. At times it’s not so pretty…but very necessary.

A friend and I went shopping recently and we were speaking of our roles in the church. I said that I have such a soft-spot for women’s ministries. I was joking about being like an “ex-smoker” for women as victims. I just cannot tolerate it. Women just do not understand that the mental strain and energy it takes to continue to be a victim is tremendous as compared to the energy it would take to be healthy. The process of getting healthy is difficult, yes, but freeing. It is also ongoing. I am healthy and I still struggle with issues; it is just how I deal with them now that is different. Hell, the fact that I deal with them at all is different.

The area I suck at the most is friendship. It is a sure bet that if you are an aquaintance of mine, eventually I am going to piss you off to the point that we will never be friends. True. It’s happened. Many times. A few weeks ago our pastor spoke about God-Friends. Those who you go to for godly council. Whose advice you trust. Whom you know will “be honest” with you and not always agree with you because of the friendship. That is the kind of friend I want and the kind of friend I am. But, most people don’t want honesty. They want comforting. It’s hard to hear that a situation may be partly your fault. Doing a honest moral inventory - one where you look at what your part in all of it is - will reflect the areas where you made choices that lead to where you have been. That the “comfort” you seek is not so beneficial to you. I know. Drugs. Alcohol. Men. They are not the God-Friend that is going to get you to the next step. I can empathize with you, but my intolerance screams that you be pro-active in a solution. Yes, an issue. I’m working on it…….

I was speaking with the leadership team about this program. These people have also been through it. Life is hard. They are giving back. I love that they all say the same thing, that they go in wanting to give back and then realize how much they have gotten in return.

Completeness? Happiness? These words don’t come close to describing my emotions. There truly is nothing I can say to capture what motherhood means to me….
Anita Baker

In my daughter’s eyes I am a hero
I am strong and wise and I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see
She was sent to rescue me
I see who I wanna be
In my daughter’s eyes

In my daughter’s eyes everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light and the
world is at peace
This miracle God gave to me gives me
strength when I am weak
I find reason to believe
In my daughter’s eyes

And when she wraps her hand
around my finger
Oh it puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about

It’s hangin’ on when your heart
has had enough
It’s giving more when you feel like giving up
I’ve seen the light
It’s in my daughter’s eyes

In my daughter’s eyes I can see the future
A reflection of who I am and what will be
Though she’ll grow and someday leave
Maybe raise a family
When I’m gone I hope you see how happy
she made me
For I’ll be there
In my daughter’s eyes

In My Daughter’s Eyes - Martina McBride