Holidays are enticing only for the first week or so.  After that, it is no longer such a novelty to rise late and have little to do.
Margaret Laurence

The last day of school was Friday - how fun that it started on a holiday weekend. 
My family: sister, bil, nieces, niece’s boyfriend and great-nephew came for the weekend.  We had a surprisingly awesome time.  We grilled out each night and did the beach, pool and waterpark throughout the weekend.  I think I am about watered out for a time.  They all left yesterday.  Isn’t it funny how after four days you are ready to get back to “normal” but the minute your family leaves you wish they wouldn’t?  To remedy this letdown, as soon as they pulled out of the driveway, we jumped into the jeep and went for ice cream and a drive along the ocean.  It was fun.  Last night we were all ready for bed very early.

So, today is the official first day of summer break for our family.  Brother was so excited this morning that he didn’t have to go to school - he is getting reacquainted with his toys - playing with trucks on the floor and watching morning cartoons.  Sister, of course, is still in bed - she plans to sleep until 10:00 each day.  That will be good for the first week or so, but then when I am ready to get up and go = she will need to be as well.  I plan to put the house back in order and just relax today.  A quiet day.  Then we will sit down and plan out what activities we want to do this year.  I know that at the end of summer we are going to see Mickey - I am excited for Brother! since he has never been to the magical kingdom.

Also surprisingly is how excited I am about this summer break.  I don’t think sister is going to her dad’s, so this will be the first summer in the last eight that I have her the whole time - I am happy now, but check back with me in about 45 days :)  kidding.  Next week sister leaves for a two weeks, one for a mission tour and the second for a week with her dad at the ocean - as if she didn’t live six blocks from the ocean everyday. Anyway - yes a little upset that he hasn’t made plans for her to join him this summer - to me it seems as though he has just sent the message to her that he does not want her up there.  Very sad for a 14 year old to absorb. Bleh.

THe husband is leaving Sunday for a week long mission trip so I want to make sure that I have activities planned or it. will. be. a. very. long. week.  After that is when sister leaves, so those weeks will be quiet and fine, then the planning will need to be concrete - she likes concrete. 

Bleh, boring post huh - welcome to my brain dump this morning..hee.  It helps to just get it out so that I can organize it - your welcome.  Hee. 

Anyway - the start of summer - this is the first time in a long time that I have been excited about summer and not wishing summer session at some camp would just start already - its looking promising.

Like a big mountain, a small garden stimulates, restores, and delights us, just as it poses challenges, promotes mastery, provides exercise and relieves monotony.
~ The Power of Place, Winifred Gallagher

This is what I’ve been doing instead of posting here these past few weeks, puttering in the yard.   It’s good for what ails ya’, I’m telling you.  I love! love getting out there and working with the flowers and planting beds.    There up as a flickr set if you want to see them closer.  Enjoy.

The old grey donkey, Eeyore stood by himself in a thistly corner of the Forest, his front feet well apart, his head on one side, and thought about things. Sometimes he thought sadly to himself, “Why?” and sometimes he thought, “Wherefore?” and sometimes he thought, “Inasmuch as which?” and sometimes he didn’t quite know what he was thinking about.
A. A. Milne - From book Winnie the Pooh

I’m having an Eeyore kind of week.  Bleh. 

 On Tuesdays I lead a women’s Bible group at my church, there are 16 women in there besides me.  We have been meeting since last August - a long time for a group of women.  A few weeks ago, I woke up and didn’t want to go, so I didn’t go.  I called it a get out of facilitating free card - they had a good discussion and a few emailed me to tell me how well the class went.  I have felt the urge to leave since.

 Five years ago, after my son was born, I suffered from depression.  I believe it was intially brought on by some sad stuff that happened at my church, like my best friend dying, my pastor, and boss, leaving his office one day and not coming back, and another pastor, and my mentor, having surgery and going blind as a result.  The capper was when I wanted to return to work part time and they said no, full time or nothing, then when I quit, they hired my friend (who wanted to job share with me) for the 30 hours I was asking for and provided childcare for her son (who was only months older than mine.)  The depression became increasingly worse - my marriage suffered - I had an online friend and that relationship suffered - my children suffered.  I wanted to do nothing more than play on the computer and sit on the couch. period.  Sadly, this lasted for almost two years, until I was forced on medicine and it started taking affect, and changes started happening.

Then I got sick, food poisoning I was told.  I thought (think) it was a virus.  I never fully recovered from it, and month after month, I started to get worse.  I blamed it on the medication - it had changed the chemicals in my body and my body could not fight back.  A year later I was diagnosed with a food intolerance - at first they thought it was a gluten intolerance, but in the end it ended up being an intolerance to oats. (apparently your body can build up a resistance to foods - and in an effort to get healthy - oatmeal was my breakfast of choice five or six days a week - and also my choice at night when I didn’t feel good - silly, that it was the oats that was making me not feel good)  This was not a good time in my marriage as well.  My husband thought it was the depression - or that I could make myself ill if Ididn’t want to do something.  He still rolls his eyes when I mention that I have an oat intolerance - but, I haven’t been sick in over a year (as sick as I was I should say) since I removed oats from my diet.  Now, only if I eat to many carbs, without any protein, do I get sick. 

This past year has been awesome and amazing (except for the episode where the doctor gave me narcotics to calm my balance disorder) and I am completely drug free.  My marriage has not been better - I am active with my children (hell, I even did arts and crafts with brother - shocking), I am interested again in doing crafts (hence my absence to learn crochet <which is pissing me off by the way> and I am again active in my church, singing in the praise choir, leading bible study, and recently taking on a leadership roll on one of the committees.  By all accounts my life is good. Content.  Happy.

Then out of the blue,  I feel like Eeyore standing by himself in the thistly corner of the forest, his front feet well apart, his head on one side, thinking about things. Sometimes I think sadly to myself, “Why?” and sometimes I think, “Wherefore?” and sometimes I think, “Inasmuch as which?” and sometimes I don’t quite know what I am thinking about.